I'm so pessimistic, thinking that one day I may not be able to tolerate what is happening with my life anymore.  During my last lecture of today, tears ran down my cheeks while I was taking notes on Carl Jung.  I shouldn't be dwelling in these negative feelings and thinking especially that I will have my first Diff Equa midterm tomorrow.  Just wondering, why people call midterms quizes or tests this semester?  Are they (we) still feeling that it's a beginning of the semester so saying "midterms" is not quite appropriate?

 

I'm so tired.  The pond is icy.  I eat carbohydrate like it's the only type of nutrition exist.  The world is harsh.  Ice on the street get kicked again and again.  And I just want to break every piece of ice on the street.  Kick it against cars that are passing by.

 

I hate my fucking life.  Sometimes I just feel like getting disappeared from this freaking world and having to care no more about whatever shit that is happening around me.  I'm so freaking crazy and I hate every single bit of life.  I want a quite place but there is no quiet place for me.  Nowhere.  I think I can see myself taking my own life some day not far away because I can no more take life as it is.  This is fucking crazy.  I'm not born to suffer and cry everyday. 

Valentine's Day is not the most important day of the year but it surely leaves me some memories.  I was thinking about how my Valentine's Days have been like since the time I was in middle school.  When we were about 13, we just loved to observe who in the class would get Valentine's gitfs.  We were just nosy.  And if you get a bear or something, your classmates will talk about it until the end of next month.  Valentine's Day was like a really big day for us, especially girls.

 

I got my first Valentine's gift when I was 14.  Got it at around 5pm when almost everyone else had already headed home.  During the day, guys would just walk over to their girls' classroom to give them Teddy bears, roses, necklaces, etc.  I remember one my close friends got this huge bear which is really realy cute and we, as in all the classmates, teased her all day long.  That is probably why I got my box of heart-shaped sweets after school.  No one really paid attention in class on Valentine's Day, and I guess the teachers knew it.

 

Then I went to Singapore.  Girls' school and girls' boarding school - those were the two places I spent 80% of my time at.  Two years of not really seeing boys.  And because, I believe, I am straight, I didn't get anything during those two years.  But that was ok.  I think living in a girls' boarding school, though a very strict one, was a kind of ultimate enjoyment.  I got a lot of Hersheys from my neighbors and classmates, whom some of them probably don't see guys that often as well.  We had fun lying on the floor talking nonsense while other people were out to dinner with their dates.  I mean, really, what's the big deal about having a date when you know that you will not get married until, at least, ten years later.

 

Anyway, last year was the first year that I didn't have to wear school uniform on Valentine's Day.  So, it gave me the opportunity to choose what to wear that day.  I thought wearing pink or red would make me look so stupid like I was so into this commercialized world of wearing in-trend colors and whatnot.  So I decided to wear black because I looked thin (or less fat) in it which made me a little happier about myself.  After all, it was a day of love so I should also love myself and feel good about myself.  ( I mean I thought I looked good in it.  Who cared if other people disagreed.  Ok, actually I did care and I still do care a little bit.  Whatever...)

 

How about Valentine's Day this year?  Same mission as when I was in middle school.  I will still "observe" what my friends get on the day... haha.. I think this way, Valentine's Day will be a very fun and eventful occasion.  Oh and I have a presentation to do, too.  To show my love for the organization I'm joining, I will be presenting a budget proposal to the school so that I can feed my organization with a few $$$... haha... Anyway, I shall look forward to Valentine's Day 2007.  A lot of people seem to feel happy on this day and I hope I will also feel that way.

 

A lot of pointless points I made today.  But Valentine's Day is not Einstein's birthday so I don't need that much logic to write this blog.  What?  Ok, I think I really have no points now.  Shall stop right here and wait to enjoy my Valentine's Day.

Water in the pond next to Dell basketball court has turned into ice.  Poor ducks, geese, cranes... I wonder where they are now.  If they wanna go south, they will have to fly across all the farms in Charlottesville... seeing horses, cows, etc... fly across Virginia to wherever that is warmer.  Ok, Virginia is probably considered warm compared to Michigan, etc.... Ok, whatever...

 

I'm taking a jazz/hip-hop dance this semester.  Pretty fun.  Started with all the spins.  There are only two guys in the class out of 21 students.  And one of them looks so funny when he turns or roll his body.  I'm not like a pervert that looks at guys rolling their bodies, but if you are in my class, you will know what degree of fun I'm talking about.  Our spins are just the ballet type of spin.  So we have to spread our arms out before taking the spin.  Then we bring hands in to form a horizontal circle in front of the chest and spin!  If you look at the instructor or some students who have some dance basics, you will see a flow of graceful movements.. But when you look at this heartthrob, you will think that you are looking at a policeman trying to direct cars to go to the side of the road.  And his body rolling, oh my god.. it was so hilarious.  We are supposed to roll our body from the chest down to the hip.  But I guess he was doing it up from his butt to his head.  You try it.  It's not that easy to do!