Many times we don't treasure what we have until it is too late.  We take a lot of things for granted.  I like fried oysters, but I didn't bother to eat it before I left Singapore (and Thailand).  So, for the two and a half years that I was in the States, I just had to keep thinking about my fried oysters without being able to do anything about it.  I didn't know how to make good fried oysters.  No restaurants sold the kind of fried oyters that I liked.  But you know there are many other things other than fried oysters that have been taken for granted - something like relationship.

 

I'm dying to leave Charlottesville and go back to where there are people who love me not for what I can give them but for who I am.  Does that kind of friendship, etc. exist only when you were  younger than 20?  If too young, your friends may want your sweets.  If too old, they may want your whatever else more sophisticated like your time...

Guess mine is not the first heart broken,
my eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know,
there's just no gettin' over you
Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around
and wait for you
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else
for me to do I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
hopelessly devoted to you
My head is saying "fool, forget him",
my heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
hopelessly devoted to you

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” -Dr. Seuss

I actually have more things to say... but let me finish my papersss first, ok?  Haha.. you nerd!...  I haven't seen Audrey in ages...

Yesterday I just played pool.. haha.. fun.. and now suffering from typing law stuff..

In the next two weeks, I will have four papers to turn in.. Am I a journalist?  No, a journalist gets paid for her writing, but I'm paying to be able to write.  Haha no, that's not a logical argument.  I took days to understand property laws and stuff and then days to write my paper.  Oh my god, that was the hardest paper ever.  And guess what, I have contract and tort cases to write about in the next month!  So, after this course, I will either be very knowledgeable about these laws or you won't be able to pay me enough to make me your lawyer because I will be so ewwww to lawsuits. 

 

Actually, if you are considering paying me or somebody else to be yor lawyer, you should think of who would cost more, not in terms of salary but in terms of efficiency.  If you hire somebody else who requires less effort to solve your case, then it is more efficient to let her be your lawyer.  In contrast, if you hire me (maybe because I'm cuter than the other person! Yeah!), the cost difference would create inefficiency - that is it should be for something better, like treat me lunch.  That's what Coase was talking about in his Theory of Social Cost, something I cracked my head trying to understand over the months.  Ok, when you read it, it didn't look as easy as what you just read here.  Anyway, I guess Coase's name should be mentioned elsewhere because it is more worthwhile to write about things that relate to me rather than to some great economist on my blog.  Or maybe I should be a great economist so that the society will achieve optimal efficiency?

 

But I think the most efficient thing to do write now is go back to my second case analysis since it's due a week from today, the same time when my media studies paper is due.  I'm hungry, too.  I still have craving for sushi even though I have had it for a few times this week.  Two days ago day I was sitting outside Physics building, on the lawn behind Ed School, eating sushi and studying maths.  (Had a math testthis morning.  Omg, in one problem, I forgot the simplest thing I should know for the test!)  Really nice weather.  I knew all those squirrels were like "fffhhh ffhhh I want that, too, fffhhh fffhhh."  But sorry, my craving took over your cuteness, squirrels.

I'm so pessimistic, thinking that one day I may not be able to tolerate what is happening with my life anymore.  During my last lecture of today, tears ran down my cheeks while I was taking notes on Carl Jung.  I shouldn't be dwelling in these negative feelings and thinking especially that I will have my first Diff Equa midterm tomorrow.  Just wondering, why people call midterms quizes or tests this semester?  Are they (we) still feeling that it's a beginning of the semester so saying "midterms" is not quite appropriate?

 

I'm so tired.  The pond is icy.  I eat carbohydrate like it's the only type of nutrition exist.  The world is harsh.  Ice on the street get kicked again and again.  And I just want to break every piece of ice on the street.  Kick it against cars that are passing by.

 

I hate my fucking life.  Sometimes I just feel like getting disappeared from this freaking world and having to care no more about whatever shit that is happening around me.  I'm so freaking crazy and I hate every single bit of life.  I want a quite place but there is no quiet place for me.  Nowhere.  I think I can see myself taking my own life some day not far away because I can no more take life as it is.  This is fucking crazy.  I'm not born to suffer and cry everyday.